Becoming His: The Teaching of Rebecca Read online

  “Millicent! Come here immediately!” Rebecca’s heart pounded at the voice. She didn’t have to turn around to know that Miss Lambert had obviously returned to the kitchen. She realized she hadn’t been frightened until this moment. “You too, Rebecca!”

  Rebecca shook but dried her hands on her apron and turned to follow the poor girl. Soon, both were standing in front of the very unhappy headmistress. “Hands!” Rebecca was confused until she saw Millicent hold out her hands, palms up. She followed her example. She was horrified to see a large ruler slap down onto the upturned palms. The loud smack filled the room. Millicent moaned as the ruler slapped into her right palm a dozen times and then a dozen were applied to her left.

  By the time the ruler stopped, both palms were very red and Millicent had tears rolling down her face. “Th…thank you for disciplining me, Miss Lambert. I’m….I’m sorry for breaking the plate.”

  Edna simply nodded and then turned her attention and her ruler to Rebecca. “Honestly, you’d think you could make it through a day without being disobedient. Hold your hands out and don’t you dare move them.”

  Rebecca was ashamed and wanted to defend both herself and Millicent. It had been an accident but she took her cue from the other girl. She held out her palms and though she flinched and bit her lip at the intense and sharp pains from each slap of the ruler, she refused to cry out. It seemed that Miss Lambert was unsatisfied and hit Rebecca much harder than she had Millicent. Still, she could only do so much. Once the two dozen had been given, Rebecca said, “Thank you, I’m sorry the plate broke.”

  Edna gave her an ugly smile and said, “You’ll address me properly young lady and make a proper apology as well or you will find yourself bent over, your drawers parted and this ruler applied to your naked posterior.”

  Rebecca’s face flamed at the threat and she suddenly understood what Mrs. Williams had meant about the ease of wearing split drawers. She forced herself to say. “Forgive me, Miss Lambert. Thank you, ma’am for disciplining me. I’m sorry for breaking the plate.”

  Knowing the words were false, but unable to find just cause for further discipline, Edna said, “The cost of the dish will come out of your wages, Rebecca.”

  Rebecca simply nodded not even having known she was to get wages. She saw Millicent open her mouth and knew she would try to take the blame. Before the girl could speak, Rebecca said, “Yes ma’am. I’ll be more careful ma’am.”

  Edna glared at her but turned away. She stalked out of the kitchen, slamming the door behind her. Millicent looked up in awe at the new girl. “You didn’t have to say that. I dropped the plate.”

  Rebecca gave her a small smile as she rubbed her hands together in an effort to ease their burning. “It’s okay. I didn’t rinse it well enough and it was slippery with soap. Let’s just try not to break another?”

  Millicent smiled and they returned to the sink of dishes. When the last one was finally rinsed and dried, they carefully stacked them in the cupboards. Rebecca was exhausted and realized that all this work would be repeated again and again and again. She stood in the kitchen and then suddenly grinned. She might have gotten her hands spanked for breaking a plate, but, by God, she had made it through!

  She heard Mrs. Williams calling her and then found herself seated around the huge table. The staff ate family style, passing bowls and platters and pouring from pitchers of milk and water. Rebecca found she enjoyed the simpler food and the company far more than she had upstairs where the girls were under constant supervision for proper etiquette. In the dining hall, conversation was kept to whispers and that was only risked when both Mr. Danvers and Miss Lambert weren’t in attendance. In the kitchen, voices were raised in laughter. Everyone was laughing as one of the upstairs maids told a story of one student who had made her produce pair after pair of those fancy drawers until the girl was satisfied that the lace on the accepted pair was properly ironed. The girl laughed until she looked up and saw Rebecca. Her face flushed and she murmured, “Oh, sorry Miss. I didn’t mean….”

  Rebecca saw that the others were waiting for her reaction. She glanced to see Mrs. Williams, her face solemn as if waiting. Rebecca thought of her own fancy drawers full of rows and rows of delicate lace and understood how hard it must be to wash and iron them. She realized she had been ignorant of who and what was required to just dress a young woman properly. She also thought of the plain, no nonsense drawers she was currently wearing. She smiled and said, “They are ridiculous aren’t they? Both the drawers as well as some of the young ladies wearing them, I apologize for her.”

  The tension eased as the storyteller relaxed. Her relaxation was a might too early for they all heard, “Hannah, you know better than to spread such tales,” Mrs. Williams said sternly. “You have been warned several times to curb your tongue. I’ll see you in your room before bed.”

  Hannah blushed but quickly said, “Yes ma’am, I’m sorry ma’am.”

  Rebecca wondered what the exchange meant but instinctively knew it probably didn’t bode well for Hannah. The rest of the meal was far more subdued. It was late when those dishes were done and the kitchen was considered clean. The staff began to slowly trudge up the stairs towards their beds. Rebecca was more tired than she had ever been in her life. She followed the others and saw Hannah go into the room next to hers. She opened her door and saw another girl.

  The girl smiled. “Hi! I’m Patsy, your roommate.”

  Rebecca smiled back happy to see the kindness in the girl’s face.

  “If you have any questions, just ask. I remember how it feels to be new. Do you want to wash first?”

  Rebecca shook her head, wanting only to tumble into bed. She moved aside as Patsy went to the washstand and was soon washing her hands and face. She saw an unfamiliar nightgown hanging on a hook by her bed. “Ummm, is this for me?”

  Patsy turned to see the gown Rebecca was pointing to. She finished rinsing her face and said, “Yes, Mrs. Williams brought it up earlier. Okay, it’s your turn.”

  Rebecca washed her own face, relieved to wash away the sweat and grime from the kitchen. She made sure to hang her items to dry. She turned and saw Patsy pulling off her clothing. Rebecca blushed at the sight of another person half naked but quickly averted her eyes and moved to her own bed. She took the gown off the hook and then sat on the bed. She pulled off the shoes, her feet aching and reached under to roll down and remove the stockings. She scratched at her legs to relive the itching. She didn’t want to undress in front of Patsy. Never before had she had to wonder about privacy. It was one thing to have a servant assist in her dressing, it was quite another to be rooming with the same servant, each responsible for their own dressing and undressing.

  As she considered the implications, she heard a sound she never thought to hear. Her eyes lifted to see Patsy squatting over a chamber pot, doing her necessary. Rebecca’s face flamed and she immediately turned away. Oh God, no... nooo. I can’t do that! Patsy was soon done and stood. She turned to place the lid on the pot and then said, “Oh, do you need to use the pot?”

  Rebecca refused to look up and just shook her head.

  Patsy shrugged, replaced the lid and pushed the pot under the washstand. “We’ll take turns emptying it shall we? I’ll show you where tomorrow and then you can do it the next day.”

  Rebecca’s mind was buzzing and her blood was pounding in her veins. Well, stupid, how did you think chamber pots got cleaned? She remembered Miss Lambert’s earlier words about her sweeping and cleaning chamber pots and understood that this was simply another chore that was done by the servants. She felt her stomach clench and she gritted her teeth. Suddenly changing in front of another didn’t seem too awful. However she pledged she would never ever use a chamber pot in front of another person. She pulled her nightgown over her head and then struggled to pull off her dress underneath.

  Patsy watched her and grinned. She shook her head at the poor girl. She seemed nice enough and had gained respect with both her acceptance of th
e blame for the broken plate as well as assuring Hannah that her story didn’t bother her. However, it was quite obvious she was like a fish out of water. Patsy didn’t say anything though. She had grown up in a household full of children, all of who knew they’d most likely live their lives serving others. It was obvious that Rebecca had led a much different life, at least until today. Patsy simply crawled into bed and waited until Rebecca was also in bed.

  “Good night Rebecca,” Patsy said and then blew out the lamp. Rebecca whispered back and turned onto her side. She was exhausted and was almost asleep when a shrill scream made her bolt up. She heard the scream again and had her feet on the floor preparing to run and help when she heard Patsy.

  “It’s okay Rebecca. It’s only Hannah next door.”

  Rebecca’s heart was racing but she whispered, “Why is she screaming?”

  Patsy couldn’t contain a small giggle. “She’ll be fine; she’s just getting her due for breaking a rule.”

  Rebecca was horrified as another scream rent the air. She could hear the girl begging for mercy as well as a muffled sound of something striking what Rebecca knew must be Hannah’s bottom. Rebecca forced herself to lie back down. “It’s my fault isn’t it? She got in trouble because I heard her story.”

  Rebecca sounded so forlorn and guilty that Patsy sat up. “No Rebecca. It is Hannah’s fault. She’s been warned plenty of times to keep her stories to herself. It isn’t proper to belittle our betters. She’s been asking to get her bottom blistered ever since she was promoted to upstairs. I bet she’s back in the kitchen tomorrow. Mrs. Williams is real nice and usually very lenient, but believe me she can paddle a bottom just as hard as Miss Lambert. Hannah’s just lucky she wasn’t sent to see Danvers…he loves nothing more than to have an excuse to cane one of us. Now, go to sleep. Tomorrow comes awfully early downstairs.”

  Rebecca turned over onto her side and then pulled her pillow over her head as the cries and pleas continued. She found herself counting each stroke of the paddle hitting flesh. She shivered at the thought of being paddled in such a way for far more than fifty strokes. Patsy’s words kept circling in her head. It took a long time for sleep to claim her even after she heard the sounds of Mrs. Williams leaving Hannah’s room. She lay there listening to Hannah sob for a very long time.

  CHAPTER 3

  Three months passed quickly. Rebecca discovered muscles she had never known she had. Running up the stairs several times a day was difficult at first but her legs became firm and even slimmer. Mrs. Williams had found her a new uniform and helped her to take it in so that it fit properly though was still as drab and uncomfortable as the old one. At least my drawers aren’t falling off, Rebecca thought as she hurried up to her room. Closing the door firmly, she barely managed to pull the chamber pot out from under the washstand and get the lid off before she squatted and relieved herself. She had quickly discovered the truth of Mrs. Williams’ words. Split crotch bloomers were indeed easier to deal with than all those layers of petticoats and fancy bloomers. She finished and stood, replacing the lid with a shudder. She still refused to think about the more basic needs of herself or others. She had learned how demeaning it was to be a chambermaid.

  Every morning once the students left their rooms for classes, she and a few others marched upstairs and gathered the used chamber pots. She carefully carried them downstairs and outside to be emptied into a large trench that was eventually covered with lime and a new one dug. She was grateful that job fell to others. It took several trips up and down stairs to empty the pots. Once they were emptied, she had to wash and dry out each one and make the return trip to replace them.

  She also had to scrub floors where the girls had dribbled. It was a disgusting chore and one she absolutely hated. She understood that the use of the pots was necessary in the dark of night but she felt sure some of the students just refused to make the journey to the privies during the day. After all, why would they care? Their world was one of ease and Rebecca was sure they never gave the servants a single thought.

  She and Patsy took turns taking care of their own as did every servant.

  Rebecca shoved the last clean pot into place. She stood, her hands on her lower back which seemed to ache constantly. She left the room and was running downstairs to her next chore when she almost knocked Miss Lambert over.

  “Excuse me, ma’am,” Rebecca said reaching out to steady the woman.

  Edna saw Rebecca and said, “Why aren’t you at work? Don’t you know better than to be dallying on the stairs? Isn’t Mrs. Williams keeping you busy enough or did you just miss being upstairs where your former classmates enjoy their studies?”

  Rebecca shook her head. “No ma’am,” she replied. “I’m going to the kitchen now ma’am.”

  Edna wasn’t convinced and was also not happy that Rebecca seemed to be doing well. She had expected to hear nothing but complaints about the spoiled young woman. “That doesn’t explain your presence upstairs at this hour young lady. Perhaps we should go see if Mr. Danvers is aware of you sneaking around above stairs.”

  Rebecca’s heart began to race. Even in the few weeks she had been working as a servant, she had already been witness to what exactly happened when one of them returned from a visit to Mr. Danvers’ office. Poor Millicent had dropped an entire stack of plates one evening. Even Mrs. Williams couldn’t overlook the accident. Millicent had begged for mercy but having no choice, Mrs. Williams had sent for Miss Lambert. Edna had entered the kitchen, seen the broken crockery and immediately hauled Millicent off by her ear. When the girl returned, it was with a tear-stained face and a definite limp. After Miss Lambert watched her sweep up and dispose of the mess, she warned the others to learn a lesson from Millicent’s inattention to her duties.

  Mrs. Williams had waited until the woman left before helping Millicent to a chair. Millicent didn’t sit. She bent over and placed her hands on the seat of the chair. Rebecca had watched in horror as the girl’s dress was lifted. Mrs. Williams parted the girl’s drawers and Rebecca couldn’t help but gasp as she clasped her hands over her mouth. Millicent’s bottom was crisscrossed with angry red wheals. There didn’t seem to be an inch of unpunished skin. Mrs. Williams gasped as well, her face tight with suppressed anger. She asked for the salve and Patsy brought her the brown crockery jar. “Shh, I know it hurts honey. Lord, how many did you receive?”

  Millicent sniffed and moaned as the salve was very gently applied to her bottom. “Twe…twenty five ma’am. One…one for each pla…plate and then five extra for stepping out of position.”

  Mrs. Williams nodded, not truly surprised. She was angry that such a large man would cane anyone so cruelly but understood that punishments were given. She knew that crockery costs money but was still angry that this poor girl had been caned so severely as well would lose an entire month’s wages over a stack of plates. She just prayed that Millicent’s father didn’t see fit to add his own punishment to her bottom for the loss of few shillings the girl earned. She continued to smooth the cream over each wheal and then told Millicent that she needed to be more careful.

  Rebecca had stood rooted to the spot, her heart pounding. She finally understood her position. It had been shocking to be sent to work as a servant, humiliating and hard. However, she hadn’t truly understood that these people lived this way every single day and accepted their lives without question. She had discovered that every servant was truly grateful to be employed. She had learned that the servants would accept a paddling, caning and even a birching in lieu of leaving their position. She wanted to scream at the unfairness of it all but didn’t speak. She had no power, no authority. She was no longer a girl of privilege, she was nothing but a common servant. She had far more respect for the humble people she worked with than those simpering, spoiled young women above stairs. She saw Mrs. Williams look at her and Rebecca turned back to her work knowing she could do nothing else.

  Remembering that scene, she looked up at Miss Lambert, her eyes widening at the very rea
l threat.

  “Please no ma’am. I was returning the chamber pot for Miss Angela ma’am. I…I was going back to the kitchen to help prepare lunch. I didn’t mean to bump into you ma’am.”

  Edna finally smiled, glad to both see and hear true fear in this uppity young woman. “How are you enjoying being a chambermaid Rebecca?” she asked. “Is it more to your liking than doing your studies?”

  Rebecca blushed knowing the woman was trying to humiliate her further. She looked down and replied, “I try to do the best I can ma’am.”

  Edna was furious. She was well aware that Rebecca was a good worker and it galled her to no end. She had been looking forward to punishing this girl for months but all reports had been full of how respectful and how hard the former student worked. She grabbed Rebecca’s arm. “I didn’t ask if you were doing well,” she hissed. “I asked if you liked it!”

  Rebecca took a deep breath thinking it was probably the most stupid question she’d ever been asked. She dug her fingernails into the palms of her clenched hands and forced herself to answer. “No ma’am. I don’t really enjoy it.”

  Edna nodded as if glad and Rebecca knew she was. “Well, before you return to the kitchen, you may follow me. I find the need for relief and, since you are here, there isn’t any need for me to go all the way to the privy. You might as well clean the pot and return it.”

  Rebecca was infuriated but simply nodded. She was well aware that you were expected to visit the privies during the day if you had a need. The chamber pots were to be used only during the night. She also knew this horrid woman was just trying to catch Rebecca being disobedient so she would have an excuse to punish her. She followed Miss Lambert back upstairs and waited outside the staff’s water closet. Once Miss Lambert reappeared, she stepped inside. She almost gagged at the stench. She forced herself to replace the lid on the reeking pot that she knew had been left uncovered on purpose. She picked it up carefully and stepped from the room. As she turned to carry it down the stairs, she heard, “Oh, I think I might have missed just a tiny bit. Make sure you scrub the floor as well.”